You know how we lived..

..dreaming of remotes to run our work lives.

I told a friend there was no point in making a snack train when we come home from scratch and then her family, sister, was mean like without knowing like I wasn't the same.  Age 11.  St. Augustine, FL..nation's oldest continuing city and 2nd oldest, in FL..the 1st in Alabama

=}

^Well, Ellen^

You know I really liked Ellen today.  I hope I can shine through as my true self and not hide myself, or maybe I just need a change.  I dunno what to say.  I saw the Jewish people on Ellen..

Setting the Example

That's what Ellen does, but who do we have in our lives who can do the same thing, with who they are?..

Thoughts .. Thoughts

My thinking is it's a bit awkward for my mom to have these people in my life noticing what's different in the home.  No one visits.  Any visiting is with my aunt, more briefly lately.  Not much else I know of I think..

:) So what happened to

the string I had still hanging that was the relationship with my family?

Creepy Signals?

I had another issue with weird messages that weave with the name Ellen DeGenereson them.  Like, she does something big that seems offensive in some way but overall too postitive.  I always get this recorded message: This is my name, my face don't speak, please leave a message after the beep!

Well

I'm not drying my hair, I'm drying my nails.

Something Suggestive

So, when I'm with other people who aren't just from Orlando where I have long-term residence, I find that it all clicks, the issue of attention.  It's these weirdos who moved to Florida, and stayed here!

So..

..anyway, what boiled down was that like a handful of people would love to deserve to meet someone, and I am supposed to consider being like a child star figure, to go out in the world and achieve as a person, like my talent in performance and the way I interact with people.

So What I'm Saying

..is that I mean, with everyone else, we all agree she was mean to me and they really don't like her as a person for things like that!  I mean, she was, but I mean like I think she's being mean now by just thinking life's all about putting on a show, when I'm just a friend in need.

Moving Along

So, I am apparently glued to this old best friend, and people are mean to me cuz of the supposed spam attacks.  I was just crazy alone in my room in our apartment with no one to talk to and nothing to do.  I was told not to go to school.  I got fatter.  I didn't have money so much or got in trouble a little for when I bought something.  You know, people just buy buy buy.

Why just her?  I thought she wasn't in my life, was just a mystery.  I even got horrible beliefs that she was a part of Frankenweenie.  I think she's at last moved on to Ellen DeGeneres.  This is the 1 who's older, so I find this message suggestive.

Alotting Interaction..

So, this topic isn't touched on much.  Like, I know someone who is both precious and attractive, sorta in a hurry and doesn't quite lose her marbles, maybe does but not in this way.

My specific problem that I just now thought of was that I mean I have a fun thing going where I believe doctors monitor me, though I shuddered to think of the cost.  Anyway, I get suggestive messages, and I mean I don't see the people giving them.  I say stuff, and then things change.  I don't follow people who think like that, that you're not supposed to say anything to be safe.

Okay, back to what I was saying.  I believe someone doesn't deserve certain critical things, but I mean I dunno.

I wrote this friend too much, well a handful of people: my parents, my aunts, my 2 best friends.  Sounds like they think I'm nice but are through because of our racial upbringings.  How would people like Tim Burton like me if they thought I was also worth shit, like what my therapist thinks of me in a way, that I as a person have a mental disorder, not some social issue because of racists and my parents not caring about like my private life with others, as a person.

Anyway, they didn't say to stop!  Then, I lost my relationships, if I hadn't already lost some!  Where do I move on?